Its been a slow week.

In a surprise announcement this morning, it was revealed that the Meek have inherited the Earth. The actual change of ownership itself happened three weeks ago, but the spokesperson for the Meek was too shy to contact the press. After much polite cajoling from fellow Meek Persons, the fulfilment of this ancient prophecy has finally come to pass.

A representative for the Meek gave us these comments - "As you know, the Earth was promised to us almost 2000 years ago by Jesus Christ himself, during his famous Sermon on the Mount. We have been Blessed for all that time, which was quite nice, but simply had to wait for the momentous event itself. The Earth and all it contains now belongs to us. By Divine Command, we Meek have absolute domination over the planet. We hope you don't mind". Blushing, she continued, "I know it's a bit of a big change, but it's really out of our hands. It's all a bit embarrassing actually".

The process of democracy has been rewritten to ensure that only the modest and passive are able to vote or run for public office. The first hiccup in this new system was caused when it turned out that no Meek people were planning to come forward as candidates. The most common reasons cited were "not wanting to cause a fuss" and "who would want to vote for someone like me anyway?". Assertive and confident candidates may have to be found in the meantime, until a truly Meek government can be formed.

Now that the Meek have inherited the Earth, what are they going to do with it? The Meek Affairs correspondent from The Times gave us this view : "The Meek have some very good ideas about tackling global problems. Unfortunately, very few of them are prepared to present these ideas to the international community, and when they do they tend to mumble so quietly that nobody can understand what they are saying. They really need to get assistance from some loud and pushy people, otherwise the fact that they are now the rulers of the globe is, frankly, going to pass completely unnoticed. The Meek need to stop being so acquiescent and submissive and get out there and kick some butt! Put plainly, they need to stop being so damned meek."

President Bill Clinton has already announced that he will be stepping down, to make way for the new Meek President, one Wilbur Cartwright. President Cartwright, described by his neighbours as "Nice and quiet, in an introverted and spineless sort of way", has used his first public statement to apologise to the United Nations for messing up their schedules, whilst shuffling nervously from foot to foot. The "Reluctant Dictator", as the press have dubbed him, is planning to run the affairs of state from his two-room apartment on the fifth floor of his cityblock, as the White House is "too grand for the likes of me". He has stated that he intends to have a telephone line installed in the near future.

When asked what their plans for the Earth are, the Meek are said to have timidly replied, "Umm.. we don't really know. What do you think we should do?"

News of the Inheritance is reported to have slightly raised the spirits of The Poor In Spirit. However, they are trying to remain as poor in spirit as possible, otherwise theirs will not be the kingdom of heaven.

Happy Birthday to Me

And Happy Easter to yall also.

Site Policy

This site is governed according to the Blogger Terms of Service, Blogger Content Policy, Blogger Privacy Policy and the Scalding News Blog Site Policy. If the Scalding News Blog Site Policy does not adhere to the Blogger Terms of Service, Blogger Content Policy or Blogger Privacy Policy, the Blogger Terms of Service, Blogger Content Policy and Blogger Privacy Policy will be considered the official rule and the Scalding News Blog Site Policy will be edited.

Content Policy:

This website is protected by the First Amendment to the United States Constitution, as such it may contain some content which may be offensive. However offensive this site may seem, I will not knowingly post content that is illegal. If posted content is later determined to be illegal or in violation of Blogger's Content Policy, said content will be removed. That being said, I am responsible for the content on this website, nobody else posts content here. If, for some reason, my account is somehow vandalized or compromised, I will make my best effort to fix any problems, but I am not a miracle worker. I will not harass or threaten others and I will definitely not conspire to cause harm to others.

Copyright Policy:

I will not knowingly post content in violation of copyright laws, however I am familiar with the concept of fair use which allows the use of material for the purposes of "...criticism, comment, news reporting..." among other purposes, which is what this site is all about. If a copyright holder find their content on this site and wishes it to be removed, please use the contact form, which is linked to at the top and bottom of the page. Content original to this website is released under a creative commons license.

Comment Policy:

Anonymous comments are permitted, but all comments are moderated for content. Comments may be ignored or deleted for a variety of reasons, in the end it is my choice on whether to allow such contents or not. Trolls and other such online cryptids will be ignored.

Contact Policy:

Reasonable efforts will be made to address concerns and respond to questions, comments and concerns which are sent to me. Contacting me can be accomplished by clicking the contact link at the top and bottom of the page. All legal, media and general comments can be sent via the contact form. If you do sent a contact, please be concise and clear about which are contacting me.

General Policy:

You are free to link to my site, you can also use content original to this site, so long as you adhere to the license described above.

Contact

There are two available option if you wish to contact me. You can email me at this address or you can use the following comment form.

Name:
Email Address:
Subject:
Comments: