Saturday, February 14, 2004

Special Valentine Edition

I couldnt find the picture I wanted to upload. It is usually one of the predictable contents that I use for Valentines day, but I cannot find it. I guess I will just have to play this post by ear. Valentines day, which is thought of as a romantic day full of candy and gifts, is actually a holiday developed by candy makers and jewellery manufacturers to make massive amounts of money.
For any man who bought their girlfriend/wife/fiancee a diamond ring, I have one message: Congratulations SUCKER!!!!

Did you know there is only one company controlling the entire worlds diamond supply? Shocking, isnt it. Diamonds are fairly worthless. Little more than rocks. Debeers has the entire planets diamond supply under its belt, and only releases a relative few each year (thus jacking up the price 100000%). If you have ever purchased a diamond while under the impression that you were buying a rare, expensive item, you are sadly wrong. You are the victim of a monopoly gone berserk. More berserk than microsoft.

Speaking of diamonds: Scientists discover a billion trillion trillion caret diamond.
Shine on you massive diamond.

For those helpless romantics:
If, by chance, you discover an odd itching sensation or burning tommorow morning, of any morning during the next few months for that matter, don't despair, you have joined a growing portion of citizens who have taken on the resposibility of host.
This being said, the following are tips and procedures for taking care of your newly acquired STD.
1. You won't beat a virus, so dont even try. Viri are so small and clever that they can last for years and not acquire a dent from your immune system.
2. Be a virus, see the world. Viri tend to spread around the world pretty fast. Dont be afraid to travel and see the world with your passenger pathogen.
3. Viri are emotionally sensitive. When you feel an itch, your infection is literally itching for attention. It is very important to provide your viral infection with adequate attention and support.
4. Along with the above tip, always make sure to talk to your viral infection. Viri may not talk back, but they are excellent listeners.
5. Viri are not jealous. They dont care if you have more than one infection, in fact they may team up.
6. Bacteria tend to be much larger than viri, so remember, large pathogens need love too.

I do not claim to be an expert on medical procedure or pathogens.